Come on, you have to admit it. You were more prone to click on this post than you normally would have been because of the title. It’s true, sex does sell.
We talked yesterday in Church about sex and lust. We talked about walking in purity to guard our hearts from the powerful allure of sexual desire outside of marriage.
Consider this post an addendum to yesterday’s topic.
One of the common myths our culture preaches is that sex before marriage is necessary to discover if the other person is “good in bed.” They believe sexual compatibility is a necessary commodity for a long, loving, sustained marriage. The reasoning sounds good on the surface. And the doubts could creep in: “What if we don’t connect physically?” “What if there are no sparks?” “What if we just don’t have that part of our relationship together and spend our lives that way?”
Let me answer that with almost 11 years of marriage behind me. Take it from someone who knows that waiting for marriage is worth it!
FACT #1 Sex in the beginning of your marriage will be the WORST it will ever be. And by “worst” I mean pretty darn good! What I’m saying is it only gets better with age and practice. And you only find this out with age and practice. Which leads me to the second fact…
FACT #2 You have a lifetime to practice! Remember that little vow you took at the altar when you got married? “Till death do us part.” Guess what that means? You have a serious amount of practice reps ahead of you. Think about it! Even if you’re terrible at playing guitar, if you practice for your whole life – eventually you will get the hang of it and learn how to strum out a few Clapton greats!
FACT #3 The number 1 reason for waiting till marriage is simply this: If both of you haven’t had sex before marriage, neither of you will have anything to compare your marriage sex to! So the sex in your marriage will be the best sex you’ve ever had! That’s of course because it will be the only sex you’ve had. So you can confidently affirm each other as the best lover each of you has ever known. And that is special.
I realize a lot of you have already made mistakes in this area. You’ve sinned against God and stepped outside His plan for waiting until marriage. Good news for you in FACT 4:
FACT #4 You can make a commitment now to be a VIRGIN until you’re married. Right now you can choose to make the sex you will have with your spouse the best you’ve ever had. How? By WAITING! Trust me, sex that is waited for and invested in through purity is great sex. So you have to stop feeling frustrated and desperate, as if you aren’t getting what you should have. Instead, consider EVERY MOMENT that you say “NO” to be an INVESTMENT in your ultimate “YES” with the person you choose to love for the rest of your life.
One last over-arching fact:
FACT #5: Marriage is a whole lot more than sex. You will be spending the lion’s share of your time in marriage changing diapers, cleaning the kitchen, mowing the lawn, doing laundry, arranging schedules, picking up the kids, feeding the kids, disciplining the kids, playing with the kids, figuring out a budget, fighting over the budget, making a grocery run, planning for retirement, developing new friends, reconnecting with old friends, losing some close friends, and dealing with in-laws and maybe even a few out-laws who may also happen to be in-laws.
My suggestion: Rather than worry about whether that person is “good in bed” why not find out if they are: Patient, kind, envious, proud, rude, self-seeking, easily angered, and MOST IMPORTANT: Following Christ with their whole heart!
Because when it comes to building a life together with another person form a different walk of life – your are going to NEED to know the 1 Corinthians 13 stuff so much more than their sexual prowess.
There’s a reason God designed us to wait for marriage. These are some of them. There are many many more. But I know you can do it. God created you to have sex in this wonderful and specific way. And there’s a deep and wide future of exploration and experience with someone else that will bless your life.
I’m a Protestant Preacher. 🙂